What to do when you don’t believe in yourself: Do it anyway.
I have a history of low self-esteem and not believing myself, rooted in past childhood trauma. I am currently working through this with a trauma therapist to get past these blocks, but during my transition from ICU nursing into software, I was deep in doubt I would be successful. Eight years later, I’m now a lead engineer.
Self help gurus may tell you: Believe in yourself! Change your mindset!
Okay. But how?
How did I succeed as an engineer when I doubted I could do it every step of the way?
I dragged myself through the journey.
I originally decided to enroll in a code bootcamp because I hated my nursing job. I picked nursing because my mom was a nurse. It seemed like a doable goal for me to achieve. Nursing was never something I felt passionate for, and during the 10 years I was a nurse, I hated every minute of it.
In code bootcamp, I decided I had two options: be in a job I loathed or succeed in new one by any means necessary. Learning to code was brutal. I cried almost every day. I felt stupid. I doubted I could figure out how to make it as an engineer. Both options, continuing to be a nurse or trying to become an engineer, were uncomfortable. I decided to keep stepping forward with engineering and do everything possible to succeed because my alternative, my nursing career, was sheer misery.
I ended up graduating from the code bootcamp in disbelief I’d made it through the program. I got my first engineering job six weeks later. Still in disbelief I could make this new career work, I continued to work in the ICU a couple shifts a week just in case it didn’t work out.
I eventually quit the PRN (as needed) nursing job because the misery of those few shifts outweighed the money I made. Did I believe I could make it as a software engineer yet?
No. Absolutely not.
I kept going anyway. Four years into my career, I enrolled in a bootcamp for data science. Did I believe I could make it as a software engineer and data scientist yet?
Nope.
After I successfully finished the data science bootcamp, did I believe my career in tech would work out after all?
Not really.
It wasn’t until I made Associate, six years into my software career, that I finally considered: This tech career might work out!
If I had waited to believe in myself, I would have never made the first step of enrolling in a code bootcamp. Eight years ago, all the positive affirmations in the world couldn’t convince me I could successfully transition into engineering, but I did it anyway. I went from front end engineering to full stack to data scientist and now data engineer.
As I continued to step forward fearing any moment my dream career could be yanked away from me, something miraculous happened. I started to believe in myself. Every day I didn’t quit was a victory; it slowly built my confidence.
My actions changed my belief. As a single mother and sole source of income for my daughter, my will to figure out my new career was relentless. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I was going to make it work no matter what.
If you are struggling to believe you will reach your goals, take the steps anyway. You are failing already when you don’t try. Force yourself to take the steps. When you get there, you will find you have more belief in yourself than you thought was possible.
My newest goal is a MBA program to become a Technical Marketing Engineer. I have confidence I can accomplish this goal, but this confidence came from taking small steps eight years ago.
