Christmas as a Single Mom
It’s just my daughter and me. It always has been. I have nothing to compare it to. Her father bowed out of parenthood when I was pregnant. I have my mom, who conveniently lives across the street, but she is elderly and seldom leaves her house. My brother helps out a lot, but he, too, has a number of health problems that limits his availability. My dad lives in California while we live in South Carolina. We video chat with him every night. He offers me emotional support as I navigate my journey of single motherhood with a child who has multiple health issues.
I do everything. There isn’t a co-parenting partner around to help offload my responsibilities, but from what I’ve heard from my married friends, our lives are not that different. Married mothers buy the gifts and wrap them. They put together the Christmas feasts. They plan the Christmas activities: when and where to see the lights, Santa, and Christmas mass. They bake the cookies and send them off. They plan the matching outfits and book the photographer for the holiday cards.
This is not a slight against fathers. There might be fathers out there who take some off these Christmas responsibilities off their wives’ plates. For the most part, other mothers I personally know handle most of these Christmas tasks.
The biggest logistical difference between married moms and me is financial support. I get no child support and have shouldered the financial responsibility of raising my daughter alone. I left my ten-year nursing career for software engineering and now make roughly double the national median household income. I’m not in any dire need for an additional member of the household to contribute income.
The other biggest difference between married moms and me is emotional support. Married moms can rely on their husbands to help deal with the emotions and stress of raising children. In my case, married moms of kids with heart defects have husbands who can console and support them. To offset my lack of a co-parenting partner support, I reach out to friends, family, and God.
If you’re single mom this Christmas and have felt the overwhelm of doing everything alone, pick your head up and congratulate yourself. This isn’t the time to feel sorry for yourself or to wish you had a co-parenting relationship to help you. It’s Christmas. You made it happen. Was it hard? Yes. But you made Christmas happen for your kids all by yourself.
Wish yourself a Merry Christmas and be grateful your children have a mother who brought the Christmas cheer solo.
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